Hungry for adventure,
impressed by boys leaping
into the deep eddy
beneath the waterfall,
I make my way
up the steep path
to the jumping place--
through sentinel stones
hugged by mosses
to a narrow shelf
high above the water.
Massive pines stand rooted
so much closer to heaven
than I…at eighteen,
barely able to stand
the power of the falls surging
beneath me.
I might have stood for hours
if that boy hadn't come
up from behind
and dropped his knees
into the backs of mine
breaking my fear,
sending me falling
half-gratefully
beyond my paralysis
through the narrow cliffs
where lichens listen to evergreens howl.
Instinctively, I suck the air
break the surface.
Underwater,
a deafening noise…
the pressure could pummel me
against rock.
11.
Your death plunged me
into the pull of my grief
like that boy, years ago
on the cliff…
beat me black
into it's heavy shroud--
no use struggling.
Efforts to swim are flails of panic.
Nothing to do
but yield to the flow
swirling down and under.
Buried memories rise up:
your blue face gasping for air
as a small army of white coats
hook you up to a breathing machine,
your face ashen grey
stone cold
with mouth wide open,
protruding eyes fishlike…
dead.
Years have passed
and now
when I find myself
longing to see you
you slip healthy
into my mind's eye.
111.
Taken by the thundering falls
white-veiled in the sun…
I know the momentum
of the downward spiral.
Losing you still teaches me
nothing is bottomless.
The grave power of grief consumes…
but that same pressure bearing down
spits me up…
I reel
careening to the surface,
lightheaded…
an insatiable appetite for air
and still impressed
by leaping.
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